


Omega Chiron Beta Prime

by J (j_writes)



Category: Greek
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-27
Updated: 2010-10-27
Packaged: 2017-10-12 22:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_writes/pseuds/J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't die yet.  I've never had a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Omega Chiron Beta Prime

**Author's Note:**

> fandom tropes meme - written for Janet Carter.

"I'm pretty sure this is a lie," Beaver announced, walking into the lounge, intent over a torn piece of paper.

"No, Beav," Cappie told him, "it's true, babies really _do_ come from the stork."

Beaver gave him a withering look. "If by 'the stork,' you mean 'my penis.' No, I mean this." He held up the paper. THE ALIENS ARE COMING, it read in yellow old-time movie style font.

"Oh," Cappie said. "No, that's true too. Also, stop giving your penis animal pet names, it's disturbing."

"Especially bird names," Heath chimed in. "Nobody wants a mouth full of feathers." When they turned to look at him, he shrugged. "What?" he asked defensively. "It's _true_."

"Setting aside your weird fetishes for a moment," Cappie said, reaching out to take the flier from Beaver's hand, "I have to say, this does draw the eye." He inspected it closely. "It could be a warning," he said. "Maybe the Psi Phi Pis saw something through that telescope they've got on the roof."

"You mean other than the bathroom of the sorority across the street?" Heath asked. "Unlikely."

"You have a point," Cappie said, pointing at him. "It could be a psych experiment. An Orson Welles kind of thing." Beaver and Heath looked at him blankly. "War of the Worlds?" he prompted.

" _Oh,_ " Beaver said. "The Tom Cruise movie." He nodded shrewdly.

"...right," Cappie said.

Beaver's eyes got wide. "I don't want the aliens to get here, Cap," he said. "What if they just want to kill everyone? Or use us for their experiments. I'm not ready to become a guinea pig." He paused, considering. "Literally or otherwise," he added.

"The aliens aren't going to turn you into a guinea pig, Beav," Cappie assured him.

"You don't know that," Beaver said darkly.

"Maybe they'll be like ET," Cappie offered. "Dressing up in drag and eating M&Ms and making things fly." His eyes lit up. "Imagine the party would have if Vesuvius could _fly_."

"Reese's Pieces," Heath corrected him, standing and stretching.

"Sorry?"

"ET liked Reese's Pieces. M&Ms wouldn't pay for the rights." He waved towards the stairs. "Wake me if the aliens show up."

"Excited about the anal probing?" Cappie asked, and got a finger lazily shot in his direction as Heath disappeared upstairs.

When he turned back to Beaver, he looked distressed. "I'm too young to die," he said dramatically, taking the flier back and looking at it. "There are so many alcohols I haven't tried yet." He looked miserable, then brightened a little. "Do you think they'd let me stay alive if I bribed them with drinks?"

"I think it's a distinct possibility," Cappie assured him. "I also think you should practice your bribery techniques on me."

Which was how they found themselves, three hours later, sprawled out on the floor in Beaver's room, passing a bottle between them and loudly singing half-remembered drinking songs at the top of their lungs. "You see," Beaver said seriously, cutting himself off in the middle of a verse, "the aliens can't just ana- annie- anahil....they can't just _kill_ us, Cappie." He grabbed Cappie's shirt for emphasis. "We're too entertaining. We could put on a show. Or a..." he let the bottle tip dangerously, and Cappie rescued it. "A party!"

"That's where we started this," Cappie reminded him.

"Right," Beaver agreed brightly. "With drinks." He stared at Cappie, and his face crumpled. "I can't die yet," he said. "I've never had a pan-galactic gargle blaster!"

"I'm pretty sure those are - " Cappie started, then cut himself off at the look on Beaver's face. "You know what? Never mind. I'll _make_ you a pan-galactic gargle blaster."

Beaver gave him a wobbly smile. "You're my favorite, Cap. You're my favorite Cap!" He tipped sideways and wrapped his arms around him. "There's so much I haven't done," he lamented. "I have a whole list."

"You wrote a list?" Cappie asked.

"Well, no," Beaver admitted. "Writing it is the first thing _on_ the list."

Cappie eyed him. "Is there anything on it that isn't drinking or sex?"

"No, but - " Beaver began, then stopped, his eyes going wide. " _Sex_." He grabbed Cappie's shirt again. "What if the aliens show up and I never get a last chance to have sex?" He looked panicky. "We must go find girls immediately! Where are the girls?"

Cappie pointed at the door. "They're out there."

"Then we must be out there too," Beaver proclaimed, and pointed vigorously towards the door. He stayed like that until his hand started to waver. "I'm not moving," he noted.

"No," Cappie agreed.

"I'm going to die sexless and alone," Beaver said miserably.

Cappie frowned. "You're not alone."

Beaver looked at him, surprised. "Oh," he said. "I guess we'll be sexless and together, then."

"That's even worse," Cappie said. "Then you can't even have a last jerkoff." They both fell silent, then looked at each other.

"I mean - " Beaver said with a little shrug.

"The aliens _are_ coming," Cappie agreed.

This was the same response he offered a few minutes later while Spitter stood in the doorway, blinking at the two of them sitting there breathing heavily, leaning against the bed looking rather pleased with themselves.

"No they're not," he said.

Beaver looked up excitedly. "I believe him," he told Cappie. "He knows _science_."

"Where did you get that idea?" Rusty asked.

Beaver held up the flier, frowning, and Rusty started to laugh. "You guys," he said, and dug into his bag. "Look, Calvin gave me this today."

It was the same paper, without the bottom torn off. THE ALIENS ARE COMING, it said, LET'S WELCOME THEM. Under that was a date, a time, and the Omega Chi logo.

"It's a _party_?" Cappie asked.

"They decided to rip off the end of the world party," Rusty said. "Badly." He shrugged and backed out of the room. "Have...fun?" he offered, and disappeared down the hall.

Beaver and Cappie looked at each other. Beaver concentrated on his hand for a long time before solemnly raising it in the Vulcan salute.

"In this scenario," Cappie said, "I vote that Chambers is the alien."

Beaver snickered. "Actually," he said, "I think we are." Cappie raised an eyebrow at him, and Beaver started to giggle. "The aliens," he informed him, "are coming."


End file.
